


(don't you dare kiss me) Under the Mistletoe

by kaientai



Series: christmas is merrier with you [3]
Category: Gintama
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-02-21 22:32:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13153383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaientai/pseuds/kaientai
Summary: He takes those Earthly traditions too seriously...or does he?





	(don't you dare kiss me) Under the Mistletoe

**Author's Note:**

> This is kinda late but :3

When you signed up to be part of the Harusame Space Pirates, you never imagined that you'd be assigned to the 7th division. But now that you're officially on the roster, you never expected your captain to have a penchant for mundane social gatherings. 

You're right next to Vice Captain Abuto, alcoholic drink in hand, as the two of you marvel at the embarrassing spectacle that is an intoxicated Yato commander. Whoever thought that alcohol and Kamui would be a wonderful combination, he wasn't entirely wrong. One of those trending pop songs from Galaxy Kingdom Bitches 48 is blaring through the speakers on the ship and your captain just happens to be dancing around like a drunk penguin, pulling whoever is unfortunate enough to be in his line of sight to sway to the upbeat music... Whoops, he just flung someone out of a window.

"This captain truly is a pain," Abuto sighs. "Can you believe it? One of the most savage killers in the universe is actually a lightweight? And happens to take a liking in...what was it called again? Christmas?"

You snort, downing the rest of your drink. "Aren't you glad that he's not entirely a monster?"

"The fact that he's breaking every window on the ship might just warrant more repairs. And where will the money come from? From us, of course. So, no. I'd rather have him be that barbarian that destroys people, not property."

A chuckle resonates in your chest. "Lighten up a bit, Abuto-san. It's Christmas!"

"No, it's Christmas on Earth," he corrects. "We are thousands of light years away from that planet."

"You're no fun."

"When you're an adult, you're naturally no fun. So, if were you, I'd enjoy my golden years while before I become a soggy-skinned, white-haired, dry old hag."

You snatch the vice captain's drink from his hands and down the whole thing in a few chugs. With a wink, you return his empty glass. "Will do, Abuto-san."

"I didn't mean it that way."

"Oi, chibi."

The familiar nickname makes you whip your head to the speaker's direction. Up close, you can clearly see the captain's drunk blush. You snigger. "Yes, captain?"

He narrows his eyes. "You the one who picked out the songs?"

You nod.

"They're _horrible_."

"Oh? I thought you loved GKB 48, Captain. You were dancing your heart out just a minute ago."

Kamui tugs on your uniform, forcing you to your feet. "I thought I told you to put on that Earthling girl on the speakers."

"You mean Otsu-chan?" You crane your head. "You said her music was garbage."

He stomps his foot and it leaves a prominent imprint on the floor. "Haven't you heard, chibi? Foul-mouthed women are the trend now!"

Oddly enough, being held by a Yato by the collar doesn't faze you one bit. You even have the audacity to chuckle at his words. "Since when did you hold regard for Earthly trends, captain? Oh, well since you threw this Christmas party, I guess you might as well take it all the way."

Kamui's eyes narrow dangerously and you have half the mind to do some backtracking. But before you can come to a solid decision, the song playing in the room changes and pouring in your ears is the most obscene piece of music you've ever heard in the universe.

You turn your head to the DJ booth you managed to set up with some of the more musically inclined members of the seventh division. Standing behind it is Vice Captain Abuto, who you didn't even notice slip away while Kamui was intoxicatedly criticizing your playlist.

"Are you even still human?" Kamui sings, his hoarse voice failing to blend with Otsu-chan's adorable lilt. "Your mother is a [unintelligible]!" 

You gape at him. "Did you just say my mother is a [unintelligible]?"

Much louder, the captain roars, "Are you even still human?! Your mother is a [unintelligible]!"

"My mother is a respectable woman!"

With his godlike strength, he pulls you into the dance floor and starts awkwardly but confidently grooving to the upbeat song. A handful of intoxicated aliens incessantly cheer at the spectacle that beholds them, and at the corner of your eye you can see Abuto enjoying it terribly so. You may be one of the important personnel in the division, but you're sure as hell not used to the attention. With the captain dancing like a lunatic in front of you, you don't know which is more embarrassing: playing along or declining to be part of this fiasco. 

Since you're excellent prey to the predator that is peer pressure, you try to sway your hips to the beat, hoping that you don't look too weird. Kamui is becoming touchy-feely at this point, and you wonder if the way he groped your boob was accidental or not. Well, he _is_ drunk so he must not be thinking straight right now, is he? You'll punch him in the face for it when he's sober.

"Would'ja look at that," he slurs, hiccuping a little while staring at the ceiling. 

Confused, you crane your head as well, and there's a small plant that looks like it hails from Earth poorly taped to the metal ceiling. You're not very sure what it is but whoever stuck it up there even wrapped the tiny stem with a bow. You turn to Kamui and ask why he's looking so smug about that particular plant.

"You see, that's a mistletoe, chibi," he explains as he slings a heavy arm around you. "Those puny Earthlings always interact under those plants on Christmas."

You stare at him. "...Interact?"

"The K-word, what is it again?"

"You mean kiss?"

The next things that proceed his words happen a little too quickly for you to comprehend instantly. The scandalous Otsu-chan song is replaced by a slower tune bordering on...romantic. Your eyes dart back to Abuto, demanding why the hell won't he let one song finish at a time, but before you could say anything, Kamui has you by the waist with his face centimeters away from your own. His eyes seem bluer and cheeks more flushed up close. There's a mischievous grin playing on his lips and the sight makes you quite nervous.

Holy shit, is he really going to go through with this? Is he seriously going to take the tradition thing all the way? 

"The k-word," he replies in a dangerously low voice, and his smile turns feral in a split second, "is knock out."

You should have expected the punch he sends flying, but unfortunately your reaction time is slower than your realization. The next thing you know, you're on the floor and you feel like someone dropped an anvil on your face. The sight of Kamui's shit-eating grin makes your blood boil. (Of course you're not disappointed that he didn't actually go through with it. Of course you're not disappointed that he chose to actually punch you with his fist instead of his lips.) 

"Merry Christmas, chibi!" He hollers loudly and all his underlings laugh along with him like everyone was in on it except you.

You sigh before getting back on your feet. Kamui is back to dancing to whatever song is on -Abuto changed it _again_ \-  and everyone else in the vicinity immediately reverted back to their own perspective agendas. Though all of them are pains in the ass, this is but another normal day on the 7th division's ship.

And you're ~~not exactly~~ content.


End file.
